Is the platonic friendship becoming a gray area one?

 

This isn't really a study of any sort.  But the question I want to ask: if you are married and have an "opposite sex" friend, is there a point where the relationship starts to migrate from "platonic" to "danger of cheating" territory?

I've heard that it often starts with discussions. I admit that I've been a bit naive here.

One time, I had an unusually long e-mail conversation with an athletic friend (one I had not met as yet in real life).  She finished with "thanks; this has been fun."  I told my spouse about that and she winced; that surprised me. But I guess that matters.

Yes, my spouse can have access to my phone.  One time she sneaked a peek because I had a somewhat lengthy phone conversation.  It turns out it was with my daughter. LOL.

But the real risk my spouse would take by seeing my phone would be dying of boredom.

But back to behavior: what constitutes going into a gray area?
I was going to list some examples, but I guess that any touch that they would not do in front of my spouse would be at least gray area behavior. 

So, are there any "non-obvious" signs (besides, them sitting too close together, inappropriate touch, or too romantic like of a touch)

I am thinking things like:  your friend getting jealous of your spouse!   That might be a red flag.

But here is a big one:  yes, one can be a bit disappointed when a friend cancels.  But when that cancellation feels like a rejection: it stings like a "getting turned down/stood up" for a date: well, that relationship was no longer a platonic relationship.  



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Social media and being platonic friends: I

Image
 This is the part where I examine my own behavior. I've had female friends all my life, including friends that I did not consider "dates".  I know about the concept of "platonic friend."  But, just what does that mean, and what does it mean for a married man? Since I am interested in the topic of jealousy, I'll talk about MY behavior and not my spouse's.  So, let's turn to social media for a bit, as that is part of my community. People talk about "taken men" responding to women's photos.  And yes, I've crossed the line here and there putting "heart react" and sometimes "heart eyes."  I didn't think of it at the time, but I can't expect my spouse NOT to flirt if I am doing that.   Ok, it has been done to me too, though one of my wife's female friends responded to one of my photos with the word "yum."  I admit that it made me laugh. But what about the selfie taken with a friend? These selfies ...
Read more

Spousal Jealousy: not always from the same place

At about the middle of next March, my wife and I will have been married for 30 years. Of course, we have to make it 2 more weeks, but the actuarial tables say that this is highly likely. Note: we met later in life: she was 53 and I was 36 when we married.    Of course, there have been episodes of jealousy on both sides. On her side, it was more of the "oh no, he might fall in love with someone else and leave me" variety. And there was a time when I worried that she might leave, but that isn't the case anymore.   As you can deduce, I am now 66 and she is 83 and she has many of the issues common to an 83 year old (easier to break bones, needs help with some routine tasks, etc.) and so that means that I have to do far more for her than she does for me. Ok, so far. But this past November, she broke her foot and had to stay off of it as much as possible for a while (walking boot; wheelchair for longer trips). But she went ahead and invited her mentally impaired ad...
Read more

What I hope to do here

I am planning on this serving as a platform for some of my more intimate thoughts about life and about why I feel the way that I do. Topics will mostly be about friendships, relationships, marriage, expectations, jealousy and the like. I don't want to discuss these topics on my usual social media platform as, while I will be careful to not mention names (unless I am citing a work or referring to an incident in the news), I do want to ask questions and ponder. I have not posted on this platform in about 15 years so, I should have the required "anonymity." Yes, any decent slueth with little else to do could figure out who I am. But I am not that important. Besides, what I want to protect is the anonymity of others; I want to talk about principles, not personalities. I want to talk about grey areas, hurt feelings, jealousy, anger and envy. But I want to insult no one nor expose anyone to embarrassment or ridicule.
Read more